|The Mudville Gazette|
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
PALESTINIAN ROAD MAP UPDATEJerusalem, (IP News)
In a bold move, the new Palestinian government has announced it will first try to subdue militant groups by persuasion rather than force, according to a senior Palestinian official. Parliament Speaker Ahmad Qurei, referring to Israel’s demand for a crackdown on Palestinian militias, said: “There are two understandings (how to deal with the militias). The Israeli understanding, which calls for a (Palestinian) civil war … and there is a Palestinian understanding based on dialogue and the Palestinian national interest.”
The Mudville Gazette has uncovered the following steps will be taken by the new government after each future bombing of an Israeli school bus:
First "Please stop." If this fails to bring the desired result
"Pretty please" followed by
"Pretty please with sugar on top"
Should even these drastic measures fail, the Palestinian Authority may even be willing to go so far as to threaten to use harsh words against the militant freedom fighters.
"We're serious." Said an unnamed Palestinian source. "And we want to be taken seriously in the non-Arab world."
World leaders throughout the Middle East and Europe hailed the new development. "This is a bold step in a new direction, the right direction. After these concessions we expect the Isreali's to respond in kind by pulling out of all illegal settlements and killing themselves."