|The Mudville Gazette|
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
OOGLAY HUSSEIN’S DIARYOkay Hollywood American infidel camel smokers, here is angry Ooglay! Angry at the world today! "Oh, Ooglay, what is wrong?" is what you are saying. I know you Hollywooders now. "Let us help you get in touch with feelings!" Well okay, pigs, listen then to this tale for which I rend my clothing while inflicting upon my very own person a tremendous orgy of self flagellation. A thousand woes on Ooglay!
There we were in convoy out of Iraq, the beautiful land for which I will ever long, banks of Tigris and Euphrates in rearview, dust of travel in my eyes and pants. "Esteemed brother" I say to Qusay "I would beseech the prophet that Allah would will for you 200 wives and 2,000 sons. What is being in the largish truck you are bringing?"
"Shut up Ooglay, is mobile chemical lab. Stay away from it!" And he smites me on my shoulder with his fist.
"Esteemed brother, for whom I hope the afterlife will bring virgins beyond count, what of this other wondrously large truck?"
"Speak not of it, fool of a jackal of a brother. It holds a torture chamber from my palace. And before you ask I am telling you , the third truck contains the last of the family’s weapons of massive destructions. Do not approach any of them, son of whore and camel, lest Allah will you to be a stain upon the desert sands.”
Then much later we are on the road to Paris when these trucks are turning left in Germany and heading quickly down Autobahn to Switzerland. "Qusay, look…" I am saying, when suddenly he fisted pounds me in such a way as my procreation is perhaps in doubt. I am thusly squeaking on the floor in pathetic ball when then it is Uday who kicks me in the same spot, then pokes me with his dreaded cane. "Father…" I cry, but he is saying "Get up. And clean up mess you have made on floorboards!" Then he pulls off my head dress and makes me blot my liquid shame.
So I am almost forgetting this whole incident, what with me being chosen by my Glorious Father to come and represent my family interests in American Hollywood while more famous family must "suffer penniless in Paris" but now I am having read in your newspaper that in three such trucks my brother had loaded one billion dollars in cash euros and Americans money! So now at last you understand my anger! It is once again your newspapers and CNN are spreading the lies about my family! We could not even afford porno magazines for Ooglay at French rest stops okay?
One billion dollars. You Americans are dupes.