|The Mudville Gazette|
Sunday, May 04, 2003
OOGLAY HUSSEIN'S DIARYOkay American Georgeboosh infidel Aircraft Carrier landing tight flight suit wearing pigswines, Ooglay is here, but no excitement okay? Greyhawk says "Ooglay, you have to have something to post I am busy making something new." Well tonight Ooglay has big Hollywood date with married lady so I am not having time either, okay? Well, she is not married, really I think but Ooglay does not know Hollywood lifestyle yet. But still I will not tell who she is. Even though I said, "But you have friend..." and she is saying "what Timmy doesn't know doesn't hurt" and something about "there's a chill wind blowing in our bedroom these days too" but I am not knowing and I don't want to know okay? So I told Greyhawk "Okay here is something is my favorite story from the middle of your shockanaws, okay?" and he says "okay, and here is phone number for free clinic" so okay American dogs here is one of my favorite war stories I have told before, okay?
Ahh my "ally" Frenchman, here I Ooglay am drinking now heavily for reasons of my own and will soon be finished for tonight. But my educating is needed for those of American schoolings. Listen here is the reason why Georgebush is the world joke butt okay?
I am inventing good jokes all the time in the palace and so I went to tell my glorious father for whom i will gladly make of myself a baricade before your paper tanks a new joking i had thought. I saw his office door being not shut allways so that means i can enter? right? so i approached the prescence of he for whom the sun provides warmth and he was on the phone at his desk but i stood proudly before him and he is talking to chiraq and this is always making him angry and he is saying when jacques will your foul foreign legion arrive? Don't jerk me Jacques! And okay i think he needs a laugh.
"Glorious Father for whom i would gladly ride a MOAB from the plane to the ground,here is a riddle for your laughing!!"
And he looked at me with those kill-you-slowly eyes he used on dans rather but doesn't say a word
and I say "then how many georges bush does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" and he looks now like he looks at the meat grinder people and I say "Oh no please don't say there's more then one!!! Get it?"
And so that is when he struk me very forcefully between my eyes with the phone.
And I am now falling backwards and if not for the will of Allah that our friend Hans Blix was there to catch me I would inded have fallen into the drums of ricin that were nearly filling that half of the room.
So now is why george bush is worlds joke, okay, because a bit later as i come to my senses my glorious father for whom I would run naked with only my sword into your onrushing marines is telling this same joke of mine to Chiraq!!
And that is how it came to be, that the world jokes about bush, i swear on my mothers purity!
But Frenchmen, where is my foriegn legion frenchmen?
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 21, 2003 12:27 PM
And here is my other good joke:
I am designing T-shirt and it shows blown up things like the ancient ziggurat and Esteemed brother Udays palace (may none of his others experience harm) and the museum that Qusays people blew up this morning, okay, and then it says "Okay, shock and awe, shock and awe! We get it already, now go home!" Don't you think it's funny? Okay now keep listening to what i write; I am Ooglay! Well I make a picture of them and make it look like the pope is wearing one and I put them on e-bay for 50,000,000 dinar each an so far i sell 3 million of them in France and San Francisco! This is a wonderful thing but here is where Ooglay is funny joke: we will never make or deliver them!!! Ha!! Now where is your foriegn legion!
Posted by: ooglay on March 21, 2003 12:38 PM
Hey who is to be telling me war is dangerous! I am the one who will be telling you! It is Ooglay, son of my father, who is smarter then the smartest of your smart bombs!!Yes you are rightly thinking I am alive and well. Allah be praised! After last poting I made telling how my glorious father was safe with me in my underpalace which the americans (i spit when i say that word though dying of 1000 thirsts) were not finding with bombs. Well it was not one halfhour later when they found it with more bombs then i would care to see again i tell you now! I do not like your inhuman shockanaw! You american protestors must make georgebush stop trying to take my glorious fathers oil with his shockanaw! All he is doing is stealing the beloved leader of my county's oils! Then he can put it in your SUV and that is how he will take your tax cut money back I tell you it's true on my mothers purity i swear! Protest him until he stops, you infidel swine!!!!
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 11:29 AM
Ouch stop hiting me my brother Uday with that cursed cane...I'm writng now I'm sory for calig or protested friend teh swine. They are not the swne teh glorous protestrs, my fater declars you all honorary citizen of Iraq! Now, my esteemed brother, ma yopu have 2000 sons, enough wit the caning of my hindquarters!! Look at my typings now...
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 11:37 AM
Hello to you all It is Ooglay, son of the glorious leader of the people of Iraq. Long may he reign! Long may they know the thousand daily pleasures of his reigning on them!
Ooglay where have you been? This is the thing everyone here is asking everyone else here I am sure i know this. My story is that war is dangerous like only I can tell you. Hear me: After the shockanawing on my underpalace my father and brothers or their doubles (who can tell these days with all of us covered in s**t) blamed Ooglay for revealing the secret location on his postings. Well let me tell you no one except the foulest of your hollywood infidels would deserve a fisted pounding the like of which they gave Ooglay on that day I tell you I swear by the hump of my camel. Three Saddams, two Udays, and I think one of the many Qasays were all kicking me at one time. You do not want a thing like that, you soft Americans!And my humanshield did not shield me at all that day! Curse his hide!! I hope he's sent to Basra!!
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 11:49 AM
So now you are thinking you know war is bad? Not the half of the bad things you are knowing! I am Ooglay and for my glorious father i would hand pull a wagon full of nuclear, biological and chemical weapons to the syrian border except that i just drove it there and it was a truck!
Now I will tell you where I have been: After my beating my brothers took me and hoisted me up on the flagpole on the roof of the last standing ministry of defense building here in Baghdad!! And all that day and into the night I stayed there on top of the empty building, like hello american missile pilots, here is Ooglay shoot me!! And Uday was thinking he was very funny to be shining the russian laser guidance beam on me that night from across the street! D**n the russians! We shine their useless guidance lasers on the museums and the mosques and they are not hit ever!! The Russians will pay for selling useless crap to my angry father, I will be telling you!! Well Allah be praised Ooglay was spared when the Americans did not come that night! So I am thinking Good they maybe are starting on Teheran (this should be making you protestors angry!) but the next day they still leave me up flapping all day. And so they would the next night but my mother, praise upon her wondrous beauty, arrived on the bus from Umm Qasr and gave Uday a beating with his own cane and made him take me down! And I am not knowing what she did to my illustrious father but he has stopped drawing his pistol now when I enter the room!
So it is I Ooglay, who is knowing that war is dangerous!!!
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 12:12 PM