The Mudville Gazette
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Sunday, May 11, 2003


MILF CRACKDOWN IMMINENT?

Former President defends his position

Manila (IP News)

The Government of the Philippines appears poised
to crack down on the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF), a "separatist group" now on the verge of being labeled a "terrorist organization" in the wake of a bombing in a public market in the southern Philippine city of Koronadal.

In spite of possible claims by the Abu Sayyaf group and denial by the MILF, a military spokesman stated that the attack seems to be the work of the MILF, who have previously launched numerous attacks in the area.

Rising quickly to defend the MILF, the Philippine communist party stated that "Pinning the terrorist tag on the MILF by the US and Philippine governments were tantamount to nothing else but the further exacerbation of the Bangsamoro war in Mindanao" and that "The US has long been wanting to categorically also declare the MILF as a terrorist organization in order to justify the further deployment of US troops in Mindanao."

A fictitious Philippine Government official, interviewed by the Mudville Gazette, stated that "When you've got a communist organization coming to defend a Muslim "separatist group", you know something is fishy. We believe the communists are just trying to appease the angry MILF and get on their good side. We can not explain the communist fascination with MILF, but we know something is up, and we just don't like to think about the ramifications of a union of the communists with the MILF."

Former President Bill Clinton, accused by some of being "soft on terrorist groups" but claiming to know "More about MILF then any other President in history," appeared today on Mudville Television's imaginary Sunday morning news program "Face This Week's Press Sunday" to defend his administration's positions on MILF.

"I think my record stands for itself on the issue. We were aggressively focused on the MILF, often to the exclusion of other burning issues of the day. Sometimes late at night my advisors would suggest, 'Mr. President, you must slow down. You're wearing yourself out!' But I could not stop. Driven by my personal vision, I could never rest from my quest."

Additional transcript from the program:

Moderator: Mr. President, welcome sir and thanks for appearing on our inaugural program.

Guest: Thanks for having me, Greyhawk. I'll show up anywhere there's even a ghost of a chance to establish my legacy, but it's a real honor to be here on your program on Mother's Day.

Moderator: I know your time is short, so let's get right to it. Mr. President, did you yourself ever go to the Philippines to personally investigate the MILF?

Guest: You should know, Greyhawk, there's no place on earth where the MILF can hide from me. In college they called me "the Punisher"!

Moderator: We are discussing the same thing here, sir? A terrorist group?

Guest: (inaudible) Greyhawk, some of them got angry sometimes but usually a couple nice "gifts" quieted them down. I would never refer to them as "terrorist." Far from it. Far from it.

Moderator: I think there's some confusion here...lets go to a commercial...

The Mudville Gazette will follow this situation closely as it develops, and urges it's readers to exercise extreme caution when researching MILF on the World Wide Web.




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