|The Mudville Gazette|
Friday, May 02, 2003
DIXIE CHICKS ANNOUNCE PRO-SODOMY ANTI-SANTORUM CONCERT TOURGreenville, SC (IP News)
In a completely fabricated series of events, The Dixie Chicks announced during their Greenville, South Carolina concert that their upcoming tour will be dedicated to the twin purposes of promoting Texas sodomy and destroying the career of Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum.
"We're ashamed to be from a state where sodomy is illegal!" Announced the fat one in the middle to loud cheers from the sell-out crowd. "And we don't need some damn Yankee from Pennsylvania telling us what we can or can't do in our bedrooms, which are anywhere we want them to be."
Long lines of adoring but confused fans formed after the concert in the mistaken belief that the chicks would be performing sodomy for anyone buying a DC CD and signing a petition calling for the censure of Senator Santorum. No word was available on how this unfortunate and untrue rumor had started. Rioting was avoided however, as most of the sell-out fans went home happily clutching complementary copies of Entertainment Weekly Magazine and bottles of Jurgens Lotion.
The fat one in the middle, reached by an adoring throng of reporters at an all you can eat buffet after the show, stated through a mouth crammed full of food, that "…I ask questions. That's smart. That's intelligent. But since I was tiny, people have told me "Natty, stop talking with your mouth full!"