|The Mudville Gazette|
Thursday, April 10, 2003
SENSE OF URGENCY SURROUNDS "ANTI-WAR" RALLYAmerica (IP News)
International Answer, the communist-backed anti-American organization formed immediately after 911 to attack any American response to terrorism, is sponsoring a rally on April 12. The event is to take place in Washington, and concurrent events are planned for other unfortunate cities nationwide.
"We've got to act quickly or we won't be able to stop this illegal war before it's over!" said a spokesmoron for the group.
"Hold on, wait just a minute!" Said another, shoving the first aside, "The purpose of this rally will also be to make sure the capitalist pigs don't take advantage of the downtrodden Iraqi masses! We're demanding that America restore order then leave Iraq as soon as possible!"
When asked if that wasn't the exact stated goal of the Bush administration, the second spokesmoron added "That may well be! And if the Illegal administration gives in to our demands then we will have our first victory!"
That moron was immediately and inexplicably replaced by another moron who stated "We will also stop war profiteers from profiteering on this war! We will also prove how the pro-right FoxNews Media has lied..."
However, by this point, no one in their right mind was listening. Still he prattled on, completely missing a world class opportunity to sit down with a fresh hot cup of shut the #$@% up.
In a related story, the group's 'message collective' announced the formal approval of the following slogans for signs and t-shirts to be carried or worn at this and all future demonstrations:
"We protest our parents and our Children!"
"Never Trust Anyone Under 30!"
Meanwhile, in the real world as reported by the aforementioned right-wing biased news sources, thousands of Iraqis celebrated in the streets of America and Iraq , while Jessica Lynch is recovering as well as could be expected.