The Mudville Gazette
This is Mudville Gazette Back-up Site

Sunday, April 27, 2003


Hello America here is Ooglay writing from a new place, in America! How you like running Iraq? Not so fun, huh? You ready for keys to shredder yet? Haha! Hey, no weapons of massive destruction? Maybe you look in Iran now, okay? Drop some Tommy Hawk missiles on them til they tell you where we hid them. Guess this: I was in Hollywood, but don't be dropping your Tommy Hawk missiles there georgeboosh! I am somewhere else writing now. All your Hollywoods people tell me how georgeboosh wishes he could invade them but they are too powerful because of their fans.

Also I will tell you my Glorious father, for whom I would cut off my fingers and type with my...nose, is in France with my brothers! They are enjoying romantic April in Paris. I am not just saying that so you will be bombing them either just because they didn't send Foreigner Legion to help Iraq as promised. It is not black or white, it is grey area. So you don't need to bomb them or Hollywood. Bomb Iran though.

Okay so here is how Ooglay came to America: on private Hollywood jetplane! It was very nice. Better then my fathers, which was not flown because of evil no flying zones for since first war. They are wanting to do true movie story of Other Mother of all Battles (now just Other Mother for short. This is what producer calls "working title") and say "Oog baby (they call me Oog baby, it is not disrespectful in Hollywood and I am dishonored for harming a man who said it) only you can do this helping for us. Also, please bring artifacts from museum so we keep them safe from looting soldiers. Also some stuff is going to be on the same plane from Afghanistan, okay Oogman? Don't worry, private plane is no metal detector." Which is good since I am not travelling with all that and no "heat", you know? See I learn American slang!

So okay they promise to have someone at gate to meet me. So I have Uday's favorite gun in pants and cash in briefcase and trunk of junk from museum and some large funny smelling duffle bag from Afghanistan and hey! No one at gate and now is customs! So grey hair lady in line in front of me is being taken behind screen and next is me. So the man is saying "Do you have anything to declare?" and I am about to say "yes I hate georgeboosh" and reach into my pants but right then lady behind screen is yelling things that would get an Iraqi third wife beaten with a stick no thicker then my thumb, so man just stamps my papers and says "go ahead sir, you're good to go!" and he runs behind screen to help restrain old lady cause now it is sounding like somebody's getting a good slappings.

So Ooglay is everything loaded on cart and moving along towards door and there is another guard and I am worried but he just holds door open for me and says "Welcome to America, sir, enjoy your stay!" And I stroll right into your country!

I write more later, infidel swine.