|The Mudville Gazette|
Thursday, April 24, 2003
DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE "CANDIDATE-IDENTIFICATION PLAYING CARDS"San Francisco (IP News)
As the number of official Democratic Party candidates for President soars to 52, the Party today announced it would release a limited edition set of "Candidate Recognition Playing Cards." The deck will be modeled after the Iraqi Freedom cards used by the U.S. military to identify fugitive despots from the regime of deposed dictator Saddam Hussein. Each card will bear the likeness of one of The Party's current presidential hopefuls.
"We'd rather avoid comparisons though" said an un-named party spokesperson. Insider comments indicate there may have been considerable bickering over who would be represented on which card, with much emphasis on who would be the "King of Hearts," a position some would suggest would go to the Party's chosen successor to Bill Clinton. Speculation runs rampant, and Vegas oddsmakers suggest Senator John Edwards is current odds-on favorite for the honor, especially if he is "attacked by 'Taliban John' Ashcroft's justice department." The official spokesperson, however, did not comment on the rumors. Questions regarding the identity of The King of Spades were also refused.
Expect initial quantities of the cards to be in short supply, as casinos and brothels nationwide have pre-ordered the entire first three print runs.