|The Mudville Gazette|
Monday, March 17, 2003
LIBERAL TALK RADIO HITS THE AIR
Host: Hi there callers, megadillos! I'm Phil Gonerwho, formerly a big-time TV star, now the first host of the new multi-millionaire funded nation-wide anti-capitalist liberal talk radio network. The Name of my new show is "Buck Fush"
(sound of applause)
We are gonna roast those conservatives here, people! The gloves are off now that I'm no longer on that ultra right-wing MSNBC show. Can you believe they fired me, even though with seven viewers I had the highest ratings on the network? We were increasing in ratings every week people, and the man shut me down!
But I'm back, and the gloves are off! Welcome to "Buck Fush", where we tell it like it is!
(Loud cheers, then the theme music plays, it's "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks!")
Host: (as music fades): okay lets start right off by taking a couple calls...hello, Fort Dix New Jersey, you're on "Buck Fush"
Caller: Hey, Megadillos, Phil. About time we had an intelligent talk radio show. Thank the Goddess you're off MSNBC and available to get the word out to the masses!"
Host: Thanks caller! What's on your mind today?
Caller: Hey I think what you're doing is great! But you've got to stop playing Dixie Chicks! I'm a NOW member and they offend women of intelligence everywhere with that "Chicks" thing...
Host: Yes, but they're anti-war and that means we play 'em here on "Buck Fush!" It's all about free speech here, lady. This isn't one of those loud conservative hate monger shows! Call back with a real issue. Next caller. Chicago, you're on "Buck Fush"!
Caller 2: Ahhh yes, hello. This is the Reverend Jack Jesson., and ahh..
Host: Wow! On five minutes and a call from the top! (crowd noise, appreciative ooohs and ahhhs) What's on your mind sir?
Caller 2: That "Dixie" music is highly offensive to..."
Host: Say no more! You'll never hear that hate music on this show again! I knew we could expose those racist fascists for what they were! Megadillos to you sir, what else can we dialogue on?
Caller 2: Well, ahhhh, given the highly volatile and sad state of affairs that is the world today I ahhh... feel that we need to focus our efforts on broad scale issues...ahhh ...issues that affect the community, that seperate people, when they most need to be united together! So yes, I’m off to resolve a little problem with a flag in South Carolina!
(Click...dialtone...brief quiet pause, applause grows to thunderous ovation)
Host: Wow, (applause quiets, like turning down a volume knob) the heavy hitters are lining up to speak on "Buck Fush" - the long awaited radio voice of the liberal left. Okay folks, today's topic is "Bush is a Big Fat Dumb Head". The Phew Institute took a poll of our focus group and found that 95% of them think it would violate the constitution to go to war without UN approval. Still it looks like that moron in the oval office wants to override public opinion, kill Iraqi babies and their mothers, and enrage the terrorists who will fly their planes into our elementary schools and we will deserve it. Bush is a big fat idiot! What do you think callers? Line 2, Berkeley, you're on!
Caller 3: Yea, megadillos, Phil! Love the show, it's the real new age answer to Rush!
Host: Thank you caller. I agree completely, I am great. But let's not compare to Rush! We here at the Excrement in Broadcasting Network do not invite comparisons to anyone! Now what's your take on Bush?
Caller 3: I agree, Phill! Bush is a big fat idiot!
Host: Right on, caller, you have defined the issue exactly. Very insightful comment. Now for those of you who thought we wouldn't present an opposing view, here's another caller who's a little "right of center", shall we say...go ahead, South Beach, you're on!
Caller 4: Yea, look man, you guys are hosed dude. I mean, yea, you know, like, Bush, dude he's big and dumb but he's not fat, man. I mean come on....
Crowd Noise: Boooo booooo....
Host: No, no, let's let our man have his say...
Caller 4: Well he is kinda chunky...
Crowd errupts in cheers..
Host: Next caller! Portland Oregon
Caller 5: Yea Phil, megadillos, just wanted to point out that Bush is a big fat idiot and I hate that he's so anti-diversity...
Host: Whooaaa now caller, one topic at a time. Diversity is tomorrow's topic, we'll get there! Now we’ll be right back after this word from Evyan Water...
(theme music swells, it's Bob Dylan's "The Times They are a Changin') ...